I'm including my very raw and personal journal from when I was going through chemotherapy. It doesn't feature everything. But it certainly details some of the darkest and hardest moments I experienced. I don't mind sharing these things because I hope when people read them, they will get a better understanding of what people really go through.
You can look at someone who has gone through or going through cancer and have an opinion formed already. Just by looking at them. If they're bald and looking pretty crummy, chances are, they feel worse than they look. They won't tell you though. They won't detail exactly what they go through or how they're dealing with it. Just know it's rough for them. We will smile and put on a positive front for people.
But deep down, we're trying hard not to fall apart. We're trying to hold it all in. To look strong. My advice when you run into someone such as this, give them a hug. Be sure not to get too close to their faces though. You don't want to get someone going through chemotherapy sick. Immune systems are compromised and such. Hell, extend a hand and tell us you'll offer a prayer. It helps when people don't look right through us as some sort of leper.
http://caringbridge.org/visit/jenniferlehman
Also, I wrote an article recently that was featured:
http://searchwarp.com/swa264725.htm
Called "Losing, Hiding, Admitting, Rediscovering".
Also, if you want to get more in depth with my blogs, you can view my Myspace blogs at
http://myspace.com/jennimoon81
An excerpt from my blog:
[26 Oct 2007 | Friday]
 | To be Thankful We're nearing upon Thanksgiving. However, we haven't even celebrated Halloween yet. I don't think, though, that it needs to be Thanksgiving to give thanks. Right? 5 years ago, I was humbled and returned to Alaska. Without a home. Without a dime. With only the clothes in a single suitcase. I didn't even have my 2 year-old son. 4 years ago I reconciled with my father and became a Certified Nursing Assistant. I learned how to be compassionate. I was and am thankful that I was able to bring comfort to others in their time of need. 3 years ago, I married my soulmate and carried his baby under my heart. I was and am thankful that I finally learned what it meant to love someone and truly be loved in return. 2 years ago, my soulmate left my side and was deployed to a war zone. I lost my brother, Michael. I learned that no matter how hard it gets, I can do it. I was and am thankful that my husband returned to me, unharmed and safe, before Thanksgiving and Christmas. That was the best gift I could have received. 1 year ago, I lost a lot. I lost my Uncle Carl. My son went through difficult times. And I moved from Alaska, my home. I was also diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I was and am thankful that I could give one lonely airman a Thanksgiving with family. That I had my husband and sons with me. And during this past year, I've had the hardest fight that I've ever had to experience. I have so much to be thankful for this year. So much to thank God for. I fought cancer. I underwent chemotherapy. I lost my hair and my breast. But gained so much in the process. I fought for my life, and created a new one. These past 5 years have defined me more than anything else. Prior to 2002, I was such a kid. I was unaware of anything or anyone else outside of my selfish whims. I miss my brother Michael. I miss my grandmother. And I miss my Uncle Carl. These people changed my life in such drastic ways. I have a feeling that each one of them paid me a visit this year. There were times that I had overwhelming optimisim and cheerfulness and motivation. That was Michael. There were moments where I felt this strong and quiet resolve. That was my Uncle Carl. Then there were moments when I got pissed off and dug in my heels and was stubborn. NO cancer can't have me... "What doesn't kill me will make me stronger"...that was my Grandmother Phyllis. Boy she was (and probably still is) a force to be reckoned with! So, I am thankful to all three of them. Being my silent guardians at intermittent times. Because there is so much family they need to look after in other places. They were there when I needed them to be. I am so glad to have had them in my life. I know I get sentimental a lot, but this year has taught me to NEVER take advantage of my time and my health. Both can disappear or take a hit without you ever knowing it. I'm also very pregnant and have tons of pregnancy hormones surging through me. But I don't mind expressing these thoughts. Because who typically reads my blogs? My friends and family. The people I WANT to know they are appreciated. |
calm 
